Found a grasshopper today who was missing one of his back legs. Then made him hop sideways all over the yard, ‘cause I’m a dick.

OH WAIT I FORGOT THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE BALLS. I like those, too.

Things I like: a) Orange and b) Things that look like wieners.

That’s about it.

There’s some festive shit goin’ on in my yard.

It’s an interesting thing to keep in mind that as inescapably mundane as my day may be, it’s fucking life and death right outside my window.

You know, I think I’d actually be more on board with grody bugs if they were all clearish. I’m probably going to be less quick to squash somebody who went to the no doubt considerable effort of blending in with my rug.

In my head the first syllable of ‘purple’ sounds like ‘grrrrrrl’. It makes my garden so much sassier.

Pink garden dance partyyyyy!

If nature doesn’t want me harassing it, it’s going to have to be harder to catch.

Found another dead ladybug while gardening today. Seriously, before starting this garden I never really come across bugs that’d died of natural causes. Being eaten is natural causes for bugs.

HOW IS THAT CACTUS NOT STABBING A THOUSAND HOLES IN YOUR ASS?

Is there a reason my yard seems to contain only dead ladybugs? Logic dictates that there must be some live ones in there somewhere, but we never seem to cross paths.

I like to imagine the ladybugs taking down the aphids Wild Kingdom style, with lots of struggling and gasping and gore. It makes my rosebushes so much more exciting.

Yes, OF COURSE I still ate it. I mean, come on.

My cat brought me a hummingbird the other day, and I confess I really wanted to keep him and take him for little walks on a piece of string and name him Hummballs, but alas I just let him go in the front yard.