Found a grasshopper today who was missing one of his back legs. Then made him hop sideways all over the yard, ‘cause I’m a dick.

You know, I think I’d actually be more on board with grody bugs if they were all clearish. I’m probably going to be less quick to squash somebody who went to the no doubt considerable effort of blending in with my rug.

Found another dead ladybug while gardening today. Seriously, before starting this garden I never really come across bugs that’d died of natural causes. Being eaten is natural causes for bugs.

HOW IS THAT CACTUS NOT STABBING A THOUSAND HOLES IN YOUR ASS?

Is there a reason my yard seems to contain only dead ladybugs? Logic dictates that there must be some live ones in there somewhere, but we never seem to cross paths.

Aww, buck up lil’ buddy.

You have to hand it to Grasshoppers for embodying the ‘point at and describe in 2 syllables or less’ method of naming.

No points for the landing, dude.

Your cuteness does not change the fact that I can feel you BITING ME.

I do have to respect you for being able to run around so quickly without getting tangled. If I had that many legs, I would spend most of my time with them in a knot as I rolled down the street.

Doin’ a shitty job of blendin’ in with that stick, roundy.

Always nice to see someone else for whom the sun does not work.

As far as this little guy knows, he is on the fucking moon.

I like gardening and all, but dudes like this are the metaphorical raisins in my cookie.

Pros: You no longer have to worry about unflattering angles.